I’m a professional career woman. (And yes, I’m retired.) I keep wondering if this is my “just deserts” for being an elementary school principal in my other life… I mean, seriously readers, who would believe that an educated, career-minded woman would end up strategizing time in her day to pick up deer pellets scattered throughout her less than pristine yard! It has become such a joke, that I have taken to introducing myself at Frenchie author visits in this way, “Hello everyone, my name is Mary Laudien. I live in Nanoose Bay with the deer and occasionally, my DEAR (husband Ryan). Days in Nanoose are spent scooping up Bambi pellets and replanting the appetizing shrubs dined upon nightly by my horned friends. But most significantly as a designer-clad, dog-sitting grandma expert, I have a blast writing novels of puppy chaos and love.”
And what has actually occurred is that this author has become an expert as the in-house “deer ‘doo-doo’ picker-upper”. It’s sadly true; no one in the neighborhood has a system like mine. There is technique to the “dirty deed“, so read carefully:
1. Mandatory Equipment– surgical gloves (the “doo-doo” must never touch one’s skin), a sturdy bio-degradable shopping bag lined with not one, but two paper grocery bags, a small hand shovel, a garbage can with a lid, and of course, rubber boots
2. Time your disgusting pick-up job when it is coldest and driest (firm pellets are desirable). It’s no fun picking up mush!
3. Know the paths the deer take and be cautious as you walk (“doo-doo” presents itself in several formats):
- the buck’s pellets resemble giant logs,
- the constipated doe’s pellets are similar to a small dog’s offering,
- a pile of individual droppings remind one of a gigantic handful of chocolate covered peanuts,
- a gooey mass of loose droppings has the consistency of diarrhea,
- and most commonly found are the rambling “doo-doo” streams (that one is bound to step in while walking through the grass).
Just take a look for yourself. Does this look like a professional woman doing something important for mankind?
